I keep thinking about how this baby will very likely be our only child and how this pregnancy is going by so quickly. It’s the perfect example of the concept “the days are long but the years are short”. Every day lasts a long time, and the bad parts (the heartburn, rib pain, etc) seem to go on forever, but… it feels like just yesterday that I was just finding out and now here we are ~13 weeks away from meeting this little guy.
It’s a weird feeling. I don’t exactly love being pregnant, but there’s a part of me that does. Right now, this little guy is mine. He’s all mine. Intellectually speaking, I know I share him with my husband and with our families, but right now, with him inside me, he’s all mine. And I’m jealously guarding that feeling. I love that his kicks are mine and that I am the only one who can nurture him and I’m the only one who can feel his tumbles and rolls. I know his habits. I know that he likes to get kicky when I eat watermelon, and that he’s especially active very early in the morning. I’m worried that I’ll forget what it’s like to feel him move around in there. As much as I want to meet him, I don’t want to have to share him.
I had friends from out of town visiting this weekend. Their son is 2.5 years old and I was talking to them about different aspects of pregnancy, and they had already forgotten so many parts of it. I guess the memories of the past tend to fade when you spend every day making new ones. I’m worried that I’ll forget these lovely things and it makes me a little sad. Every first is also probably a last.
I want to remember everything, but I’m so bad about writing it down. And pictures? Forget about it. Today, my friend took photos of us before she left but other than those (in which I was seated and wearing pajama pants), there’s only one other photo of me pregnant, and you can’t really even tell. I need to get better about documenting this, so I can remember later how it felt to carry our baby inside me.
Size of babe: Depending on the site, baby is somewhere around 2lbs and is around 14 inches long and would have a 90% chance of survival if born today! (But I’d like him to stay in there for at least another 10 weeks!)
Maternity Clothes: The skirt I sewed is already too small. And all of my stretchy (non-maternity) shirts are finally too small! So I’m going to check Old Navy and get some shirts to wear and maybe a skirt or two this week. My maternity jeans that were a lifesaver around 12 weeks are now getting too tight! I still feel like I look pudgy… like I’ve just sort of let myself go and gained some weight. But based on how things are fitting, I guess I have a pretty legitimate bump now!
Nursery: We haven’t painted or decorated yet. Since we had friends visiting, we decided to wait until they left to do anything to the room. We did get a crib as a gift from my in-laws, and this week I’ll probably work on getting that put together!
Sleep: Sleep has been hit or miss. Last weekend, it was the hottest week of the summer with regular temps in the mid- to high-90s… and our air conditioner broke. It took the tech a week to come out and fix it, and during that time, I spent a couple nights sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a night. It was awful. Then this weekend, I was up late with one friend and up early with the other. So it’s mostly external reasons, but I haven’t gotten much sleep lately. Oh! And babe is finally strong enough to wake me up with kicks! So twice this week, I’ve been woken up with early morning breakdance parties. I love it, but I’m sure I’ll reach a point where I just want to sleep instead!
What I miss: Beer. Husband and friends were drinking such delicious smelling (yes, I like to smell the beer) all weekend and I got kind of jealous! But I don’t drink even when I’m not pregnant, so craving beer so much is a little weird for me! I think it’s the difference between not drinking by choice and not drinking out of obligation. As soon as little one arrives, I’ll probably go right back to not craving beer or margaritas again!
Best moment this week: Getting to spend some time with friends. It’s hard being so far from my own network, and I know it’s a choice I made when I married my husband and moved away from my own friends and close to his. But I get so lonely sometimes, and it’s good to remember that I do have a support network of my own… they’re just scattered over the US and far away. Oh, and I passed my gestational diabetes test! The doctor called after my bloodwork came back and I was worried I’d failed it (she specifically said she would only call if it was bad news!) but she said that I just had slightly low iron and should take a supplement! I’m so glad, because I’m still craving Twix and watermelon like crazy.
Worst moment this week: When our air conditioner was broken. I was so sick last Sunday night and I must have slept only 2 hours. Then I worked a long day Monday (to avoid being home, in the heat) and came home to my husband vacuuming… in 95 degree heat. Our vacuum just pours out heat. I just started crying and went to sit in my car with the A/C on until I could calm down.
Looking forward to: My husband’s college roommate/friend reunion. Every few years, all the guys and their wives get together for a weekend or so. We haven’t had a big get-together in ages… So I’m pretty excited about seeing everyone, including several I haven’t seen since our wedding in 2012! We’re going to spend a weekend in the mountains a week after the baby shower and I can’t wait.
Cravings: Watermelon, every day! Little babe loves it too! He dances every time I have some.
Symptoms: A few things. Swelling still. It’s a little worse every day. I can make little divots in my ankles when I press them. I’m also having some rib pain every time I eat, which I think comes from everything being pushed up and out now that babe is getting so big. What else? I’ve had a spell or two of high blood pressure, but nothing worrisome. Just enough to feel uncomfortable. And the heartburn. It’s pretty bad. I get it from drinking water sometimes and even my prilosec doesn’t help some days.
In other news, I have an appointment at the local Crossfit for a functional fitness assessment tomorrow. I don’t think we can afford for me to attend, but I saw them at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday and stopped to chat. I really wish I could be physically active again. I hate the psychological stress that comes with me not moving around enough. I sincerely believe that exercise keeps me from needing antidepressants and I’d like to be proactive about that instead of waiting until my mental state is so bad that I can’t snap out of it without meds. I don’t want to reach that point, and I think Crossfit really helps mentally, more so even than it helps physically. I miss being part of a community, too…