I felt pretty today for the first time in, oh, 6 months or so. I spent most of the day just relaxing, reclining on the couch, taking a nap, playing with my phone… and I realized that all my reclining has made it so I have ankles again! I can actually see the bones in my ankles! I’m sure they’ll swell right back up tomorrow while I’m at work, but for now, I have distinct calf-ankle-foot separation and it’s lovely. I went to the grocery store tonight, too, and walked around buying things for lunches this week and at one point, I was stopped in the prune section (don’t judge, I need the help sometimes) rubbing my tummy because babes was moving around, and I realized that I look legitimately pregnant. It was the first time that I actually felt good about my new shape, round and lovely and happy.
I don’t know how long this feeling will last, but hopefully it goes on for a bit. I miss liking the way my body looks. I can’t like the way it moves lately either… I have such awful pelvic pain most days and for the past few days I’ve also been having some bad lower back pain, too. I find that I have a hard time doing much moving around at all. Anything where I’m not moving my legs in perfect tandem hurts my pelvis so much.
This week I noticed that baby is big enough that I can feel him even when he’s not moving. Like, I can tell where he is by feeling my tummy from the outside. The uterus is harder than the rest of my organs (which are now all squished up inside my rib cage) so I’ve always been able to tell where that is, but I can only just now tell where he himself is hanging out. I’m still not sure if I’m feeling a head or a back or a butt, though. Maybe that will come in time, too.
Also starting this week… third trimester nausea. I heard this was a thing, but I never experienced it until yesterday. Out of nowhere, I just felt sick to my stomach last night. I could barely function, I was so nauseated. It happened again today, after I had my daily ration of watermelon. I ended up having to go lay in the bed and hope I didn’t barf. And now I feel slightly nauseated, but not incapacitated by it. I’m sure it’ll hit tomorrow too. I feel like this is my payback for not having morning sickness in the first trimester.
Size of babe: Just over 2lbs and just over a foot in length! Big enough that I can feel his little body with my hands over my tummy.
Maternity Clothes: I finally went to Old Navy and got a few things. The only caveat my husband gave was that they were not allowed to be black (since about 95% of my wardrobe is black and the other 5% is dark gray). So I got a gray skirt, a navy blue shirt, a pink shirt and a blue shirt… total came to around $40! I didn’t realize how stressful it had gotten, trying to fit into clothes that obviously didn’t fit me. When I wore my new shirt and it covered my whole tummy?? It was so comfortable!
Nursery: We finally went to Lowe’s and bought a ceiling fan for the room. It’s one without an overhead light, so we’ll have to get a lamp or two at some point, but probably not anytime soon. I wanted the fan, though, because the room gets a little stuffy and having a fan is recommended to prevent SIDS. We also got paint, but we haven’t started painting yet. We decided on Chromium, which is a very light gray. I know, gray for a baby’s room? But I think it’ll work out perfectly – he can choose his own colors for accessories someday and it’ll always look nice, and we are planning to add color with wall art and bedding.
Sleep: Lately I haven’t been sleeping well again. Or, I fall asleep okay, but I wake up so often it’s barely even worth it. I wake up when the dog makes noise, or when the husband turns over in his sleep (seriously, does he need to thrash around so much??) or when I turn over in my sleep, or when I need to pee, etc, etc. Tired a lot lately.
What I miss: What I really miss? Not worrying about money. I am worried all the time. Daycare costs are so high, but I can’t afford to stay home. I’ve been working overtime (thank goodness it’s an option right now, because with my job I never know if I’ll even be working tomorrow, much less a full 40 hours) the past two weeks, even though I’ve been so tired. Hopefully I’ll have overtime this week again. We have very little in savings because unexpected expenses keep coming up. Everything would be fine in our day-to-day if we didn’t have to plan for me to be out of work and for another ~$1400/month bill for daycare after that. I don’t know how people do it, honestly, and I worry all the time. I wish with all my heart I’d never gone to law school. I don’t make more money than I would otherwise, I have no job security and I have $360,000 in school loans. If I could go back in time…
Best moment this week: Feeling pretty today. :)
Worst moment this week: Feeling sick today. :(
Looking forward to: Seeing my best friend on Saturday!! She is throwing a baby shower for me with my mother-in-law, so she’ll be in town for the day! I am not really looking forward to the shower (I’m worried about having to dodge grabby hands trying to touch my tummy, worried about meeting random in-laws I haven’t met before, worried about being social if I’m feeling nauseated again, and I hate opening gifts in front of people, etc.) but I am looking forward to seeing her!
Cravings: Still watermelon! I could (and usually do) eat it every day!
Symptoms: The newest one is just the nausea. The worst one is the SPD pain (where the front part of your pelvis moves too much and causes incredible pain like my entire body is splitting in two and my legs don’t work right) and the back pain. The funniest one is the snoring – I wake myself up a few times every night with my snoring now.